Front Yard

I came home today to discover an empty bag of chips in our bushes.  "That's weird," I thought to myself as I bent down to pick it up and throw it into the trash can.  I noticed that it sounded louder than normal SunChips bag do, and then I realized that it must be one of the new compostable packages.  I guess my roommates left it outside to see if it would really disintegrate in 14 weeks.  I'll let you guys know if it works out!

More excitingly, I also discovered that my iPod Touch arrived in the mail today.  Here begins a new era of procrastination and distraction, beginning with my new favorite game, Words With Friends.  It's basically the same thing as Scrabble, only it's entirely free!

Now, who can help me come up with a name for my new iPod Touch?  I'm leaning towards Izabel, but I'm still not sure...


During and after the cruise, many of us fell victim to the recently discovered and highly contagious Joshvirus.  Symptoms include general malaise, sore throat in the morning, and paroxysmal and productive episodes of cough.  While I believe that I am finally in the recovery phase of the disease, I still find it difficult to fall asleep at night due to the cough.  Thank God for codeine and guaifenesin!  Here's to hoping that we all get better before I start rounding on patients next week, and here's to hoping that I finally win Mellow Mushroom Trivia Night sometime before I graduate.  Foiled again!!

I'm Back!

And I'm completely and utterly exhausted.  I think I need a vacation from my vacation so I can recover from the insanity that just happened.  It's back to the daily grind of medical school, but at least I return with a few pearls of wisdom that I didn't have when I left.

1. Asians can and do get sunburn.  I don't think I've gotten sunburned since I was a kid, so I never learned how to properly apply sunblock.  For example, if you wipe off your sweaty face with a towel, you also wipe off your suntan lotion and will end up with what looks like a port wine stain and/or malar rash.  Also, you need to put suntan lotion in your armpits and on your knees.

2. The only ladies that will talk to me are skinny, white chicks under the age of 18 and large, black women over the age of 40.

3. Taking lots of pictures is fun, but posting all 647 of them is a task that takes days of hard work.

4. It's easier to show you than it is to try to explain it:

Thanks to Carnival Cruise Lines for playing that weird/creepy song on the stalker TV channel.  And super duper thanks to Catmo for guest blogging over the past few days.  I especially liked your entry on how awesome I am.  Because... yes.


It's been fun guest-blogging, if akin, in many ways, to yelling into the abyss which is more and more closely resembling the internet every day. I might just start calling the internet "the abyss". I thought I would close with some advice, but I realized I don't really have that much advice to dispense, so mostly these are observations (this was going to be a screed, so be grateful, first piece of advice).


1. I read this in a book yesterday, so I'm passing it on: if the advent of easy travel has shown us anything, it's that travel does not de facto broaden the mind in ways that really matter. Nothing against travel, but let's be real. I like Paris as much as the next white person, but basically what I learned there is that if you really want to get a bottle of wine open, you can get it open.

2. The Sopranos is a better show than Mad Men, though Mad Men, I believe, is very good. Many of the problems of these two shows are the same, big shock, but omg nothing has annoyed me more than the magical ladies based on songs. Suzanne and Gloria, I'm talking to you.

3. Youngins: your hangovers are only going to get worse. Milk these light headaches and slightly sour stomachs for as long as they are an available option to you.

4. Sleep more, all of you. I am like the only person I know who sleeps enough. Bragging, but it's true.

5. Drink tap water. Bottled water is BULLSHIT you morons. A-DOY. DOY DOY DOY. Think about it for one fucking second. I realize I react strongly to thoughts of bottled water, but it really makes me crazy and has for years. Thank you to Sam for addressing it earlier in a polite and non-alienating way. But seriously, doofuses, we live in the first world. Tap water is not only potable but extra good for you. And HI BASICALLY FREE AND WHAT IS FREE IN THIS WORLD. Also hello capitalist pig success story of the highest magnitude????? Pepsi is selling you WATER and you're paying for it???? As if we don't do enough stupid things already. God, I loathe and despise bottled water.

6. Nevertheless, stay hydrated.

7. Don't be afraid to tell people who deserve it to kiss your ass. That being said, also don't be afraid to take back even your fondest and most long-standing hates if you have even a slightly good reason to. I say as a confirmed and enthusiastic hater, that there is enough hate in the world, so give up whatever you can afford to. This is something I have always really admired about Sam. Not a hater. While I am, at any give time, 10% caffeine, 10% raging bile, 80% tap water. It's good to know there are Sams if there have to be mes.

8. This being said, shitwadness is not to be excused. I am like a Faulkner character in that I spend a lot of time grinding my teeth in "impotent rage" but really, that's my failing, isn't it? Though also the shitwads. But also mine. But also the shitwads. God, I wish I were religious or powerful or something.

9. That being said, empathy is way underpracticed in addition to being way one of the miracles of human existence, and I know I'm fond of hyperbole, but I mean that literally. It is a miraculous movement in the universe, and its gestures and its failures are the true push-and-pull of everything.

10. Learn to recognize narcissists and sociopaths. Furreal, major life help.

And those are words to live by!

Oh also watch Peep Show, it's srsly the funniest show I've ever seen if you can tolerate the physical hideousness of the British:


5 Things About Me

Maybe I should have introduced myself better. Ah, regrets. Anyway, here are 5 things about me, your guest-blogger:

1. Here's a list of some places I would like to go: Albania; Mississippi. People think I'm kidding when I say that, but I assure you, I am not. Albania has got to be weird as hell, cheap as hell, and with as nice Or Croatia. I know there are bandits there or whatever, but so don't go into bandit territory. Problem solved. I'm pretty much convinced the same things are true of Mississippi. Really, I've learned, if you can just avoid the Food Lions/Wal-Marts of the South, you're going to avoid a lot of very real sadness. So avoid those, and shouldn't Mississippi have really good beaches? What?

2. One time I ran a sub-6 mile, because my dad said he would give me an eclair if I did, and I was, at the time, watching him eat a truly delicious looking eclair. He actually got me two. I ran a 5:59.3. So obviously, the lesson is, I way deserved it!!

3. My favorite sandwich used to be peanut butter and mayonnaise. Sorry, you can finish throwing up later. There are two more important things on this list.

4. I have never been baptized. This used to worry me a great deal. Now, I pretty much only thing about it when I'm trying to think of facts about myself.

5. One time I met Stephen Sondheim, which I realize is not a big deal to most people, but to me IT WAS HUGE because I love his musicals and they practically are the beat of my heart, sorry if you don't like A Little Night Music, that's your loss, loser. Anyway, while he wasn't mean or anything, so I guess I should be happy, he did fail to laugh at a joke I made. And there's no way he didn't get it. He just didn't care. That will never leave me.


As we all know, Sam is very much a fan of the viral video. He's like a genetically perfect meme-spreader, some kind of carrier of digital skits akin to Typhoid Mary.

I am not such the fan of the viral video. I don't know why. I like other dumb things. I like foosball, like a ton. I read blogs so embarrassing I won't even list them here. But not for me the dredging of YouTube for the newest 3 minutes of new. I know it's cool that the internet is like ever-regenerating, ever-renewing, but yo, I got a life to live. Just kidding, I don't really, but YouTube tends to rub me the wrong way, most of the time. There are exceptions. I have watched that David Blaine video like 90000 times.

That's my apologia pro blogpost mia, because I, unlike Sam, am not going to be propagating any embedded videos. But I'm the guest blogger, so I do what I want.

Instead, I'm going to tell you something I heard on the radio yesterday that makes TOTAL SENSE but that I had never thought of before. Even scientists hadn't, apparently. I love those discoveries that are so like DUH that it just seems like other things will also fall into place like that. Anyway, you know how people can get a ton of plastic surgery and still somehow look old? Yes, obviously, we all know that, and it's a so-horrible sight. Apparently it's because you lose bone mass in your face as you age, so your face changes in these specific ways, and that's what makes you look just irredeemably old!

Maybe people already knew this, but I didn't. Isn't that interesting?????

Related: I miss trivia night.

Sam Is A Good Person

For real. He's good for more than taking 9 million pictures per second. Jay kay, I know you all know this already. He's also good for ridic drunk messages left in the wee hours full of miscellaneous giggles and ummm-I-forgot-why-I-called-you-but-OKAAAYYYs. I KID! I kid.

Really, here's how I know Sam is one of the best people I know: whenever I'm lost (LOL ALL THE TIME before I had a GPS so now only sometimes, but still embarrassingly frequently. Sidebar: I drove like six miles down Melrose a few nights ago trying to get home...took me 30 minutes to realize I never saw that part of Melrose on my way to or from work. Literally, I was being like, "Since when do I live near an American Apparel, sweet!" before I realized that I don't, and I'm an idiot, and there was a reason my GPS was shrieking at me. End sidebar.) I call Sam.

Did you get through that sentence? Anyway, I would get lost all the time, even around Richmond where I had lived for, oh, all my life. And I would always call Sam to be like WHERE AM I I'M DRIVING PAST SIGNS FOR--I CAN'T READ THEM AAAAA!!! Sam would laugh and then do Mapquest or whatever else existed before Google Maps (nothing possibly?), and he would get me un-lost. Always. Every single time. Even that one time my friend and I realized after about eleven hours of driving to Canada that we had only printed out half of the directions (yeah, that was already like Major Thing #3 that was going wrong on this trip and that was ONLY THE BEGINNING), Sam just laughed and found us our way (onto a highway we dubbed the Canadian Deathway, but that's hardly Sam's fault. Canadians, not as gentle-mannered as you might have thought). I remember that moment. We had crossed the border, into this weird hinterland that looked both swampy and alpine at the same time. There were no towns. There were no landmarks. And I remember my friend being like, "Um...the directions look kind they stop..." and then I blacked out for a second because maybe we were going to get eaten by bears. But no. Sam.

And like that's the most embarrassing thing Sam's ever helped me out of. As if! He has also allowed me to embarrass myself numerous, numerous times, but all in good fun. And Sam knows, if he ever needs someone to get rull drunk and yell at someone who has wronged him, I'm good for that like once or twice a year. So it's a symbiotic relationship. Plus sometimes I maintain his blog while he's in the Caribbean. And I took care of his dog. But mostly Sam's kind of a better person than I am, and I'm glad I know him. We all should be glad. Lulz, though, if he ever has to cure me of anything. That'll be the real test, won't it?

I Know A Lot Of You Are Wondering...

"Should I live in Charlottesville or Los Angeles?" That's actually a really good question, and it's so weird that you should ask, because I moved to Los Angeles last August. I know! Crazy! So anyway, I'm going to put together a little pro/con guide so that you, too, can decide to up-and-move or to freaking stay put. Listen closely, chilluns, because this is important and sage advice that I don't give out every day:

Charlottesville: A nice place to live, isn't it? Really nice, now that I'm thinking about it more. Christian's Pizza, though owned by Christian, is so good. I think my body used to be like 20% Christian's in molecular makeup at any given time. $2 pitchers, may I never forget thee, even though I am convinced I lost $100 in cash at Bilt one time. My fault, but memory minorly tainted. Weirdly not tainted by being crushed against the upstairs bar, slicked, as it was, with years of grime, that just human grime that no one ever really chips away except occasionally with a fingernail out of boredom, by a swarm of frat boys all breathing, breathing beery breath. Nope, still into it. Oh, and that time I saw a girl just kind of tip backwards off of the ledges around the stairs and fall down (to her death? IDK!!), down, down.

Los Angeles: Fish tacos are extremely good, and they are more or less available everywhere. And bars? I am sure they're fun, but I'm in a kind of puritanical phase of my life, plus no one ever mentioned that when you move across the country your friends don't come with you. I know, I too was outraged. Bonus: I can basically get drunk on fumes. Non-bonus: communicating with life-sustaining friends almost entirely through g-chat. Oh, also, there are these food trucks here that drive around and dispense sometimes really good food. Keep in mind that L.A. is huge, so good luck finding them.

Charlottesville: Mosquitoes. Always, forever, more more more, levitating up from the grass like little thirsty helicopters. And Sam, sorry to out you, but your yard is where THEY ALL COME FROM ALL OF THEM. Seriously, there are such an ungodly number living in that tall, tall grass and that stagnant, stagnant water that I hope someone has cleaned up.

Los Angeles: Basically no bug life whatsoever. I had a dream there was a cockroach in the bathroom last night, and that was a dream, so. There you go.

Charlottesville: Seasons. Pretty seasons.

Los Angeles: Seasons...ish, kind of if you both pay really close attention to the weather and look at the calendar. Oh shocking surprise, 75 degrees and sunny. Could be April, could be December, Could be early September. Though I guess the same is kind of true of Virginia TECHNICALLY but let's not get caught up in technicalities. Also there's no humidity here ever except on the rare occasions when it rains, which, as I said, are rare. Which is good, because the city is built to handle, oh, no rain at all, so the streets flood and people drive really crazily and there are a million accidents because...of rain? Yes. But no humidity. So my hair basically looks however I want it to look at all times. Wtf, I know! But no humidity...also kind of a bummer because I got Stockholm Syndrome by accident and I kind of miss it. But not really, but kind of. You know.

SIDEBAR: Oh my God, rage-memories. Let me tell you about this one time it rained here. Okay, and keep in mind, this is rain. Just rain, the way rain is. Water falling down in drops to the earth. This wasn't, like, a monsoon, or some weird thunderstorm with hail and lightning. No. It was rain, which is just a thing that happens in this world. And yet. It took me 3.5 hours to drive about 6 miles home from work. The freeways were stopped. STOPPED. Why? Je ne sais pas, okay? No apparent reason. When I finally got near my house, finally, so ready to be out of my stupid Honda, out of the mind-shattering traffic, out out out... I couldn't. Because I'd gotten myself into a situation where I had to cross Sunset...and I couldn't. Because THE POWER HAD GONE OUT FROM REGULAR RAIN. The stoplights weren't working, and people were acting all crazy, because IT RAINED. POWER WAS OUT IN OUR NEIGHBORHOOD WTF WHY WHY WHY. END SIDEBAR.

Charlottesville: This is purely through my eyes, because I'm the guest-blogger, but Charlottesville (after graduation) was about kind of quiet desperation, tonsoftonsoftonsof drinking always, and waiting tables/bartending. Some people really like two out of three of those things. I was striking the f out in spiritual satisfaction, though enjoying myself in a purely carnal way. Not saying I won't ever do it again, but jeezy creezy am I glad not to be staggering under the weight of 12 sweet teas and 12 waters demanded by a table of church ladies who already hate me and will not tip me because...just because, sweetie, now this ice is all melted bring us all glasses of ice and tongs. Who asks for tongs at restaurants? Those ladies. How they haunted me. Do not miss the lunch shift.

Los Angeles: Trying to start a career. Oh hi, I can't drink on the job non-stop? Whaaaaa? Also I'm constantly terrified of losing this job because I really want to do this kind of thing for the rest of my life? AAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!! But nobody makes me mop bathrooms anymore, and I don't come home at 4 AM covered in Jager, the shrieks of the drunk and angry echoing in my skull.

Charlottesville: Purty.

Los Angeles: Also purty. Crazy how no one tells you how lovely it is (except the Valley YECH).

So that should be a pretty comprehensive guide for any anonymous person just looking for unbiased information. You're welcome! Do you miss Sam so much already?

Get Ready

Because I am going to be all over this blog.


"Where are you going on vacation?" you ask.  "I'll tell you," I reply.

Tomorrow (Friday), I'm headed to DC with Josh and Katie, although I'm not sure we've decided what we want to do when we get there.  Hmm, we should probably figure that out.  Then I'm spending the night at Christin's place in... well, I don't know where she lives.  So much mystery surrounding my day!

Saturday, Stevie is picking me up on his way to Scottie and Barbara's wedding, where I'll get to hang out with more high school friends.  This actually marks the first time one of our best friends from high school is getting married... so weird.

Sunday, I fly down to Miami, where I'm leaving for a cruise to the Cayman Islands, Isla Roatan, Belize, and Cozumel.  Whether I come back is yet to be determined.

"What am I going to do while you're away?" you ask.  "I'll tell you," I reply.

Catmo has graciously accepted my request to guest blog over the next ten days.

"Who is Catmo?" you ask.  "STOP ASKING QUESTIONS!" I reply.

I met Catmo, whose real name is Catherine, on a cool autumn morning in freshman year PE class.  Our friendship began when we traced a drawing of Suzy the Softball Player together in the dirt during a particularly boring game of Chicago Ball.  Since then, I have crashed several of her family dinners, a family vacation, and even a neighborhood Winter Solstice party.  We've also become expert Taboo players, earning on average eight points a round when we play together.  Somehow, we have managed to remain friends for almost ten years, although she has repeatedly threatened to stop speaking to me after one of my awful (or is it awesome?) puns.

Welp, I'm off to enjoy my vacation.  Peace out, cub scout!

Freedom Is Mine!

I just got out of what might have been the most harrowing (but shortest) eight hours of my life.  My Step 1 Boards exam was... well... so hard.  But it's all over with, and I'm glad to finally be free of it.

Get a load of this: I wasn't quite sure what I would be craving today during my test, so I brought along a feast.  A turkey sandwich, apple, banana, orange, peanut butter-filled pretzels, sesame-covered crackers, granola bar, and yogurt.  I was actually so nervous during the breaks that all I could stomach were a few peanut butter-filled pretzels (obviously), and I forced the sandwich down my throat during lunchtime.

Okay, enough about what I did or didn't have for lunch.  Time for trivia night at Mellow Mushroom... and so my vacation begins!

Mandated Man Date

See that?  See what I just did there with that title?  Now that's what I call word wizardry.

"Try your best to relax and rest the night before the test" (First Aid 2009, p. 15)Well, Matt and I decided to obey the letter and the spirit of the law.  We drove to Short Pump this evening, where we had dinner at T.G.I. Friday's and then caught a screening of How To Train Your Dragon.  I'm pretty sure our waiter thought we were on an actual date, though, because at the end he asked us if we wanted to pay on one check.  Awkward.

Welp, the man date is over, we're checked into our hotel room, and it's time to get some rest before the big day.  It's hard to believe that it's finally here... see you guys on the other side!

But before I go, let's just dwell on the title of this post one more time.  Man, I'm good.

I've Been Played

Remember when I was engaged to Beth?  Well, since then, the two-timing hootennanny (bless her little heart) has left me for another man, and apparently they will be wed in ten weeks.  They've also started a photo blog together (photo blogs are so in right now, didn't you know?), and you can check it out at free love photography.  Free love, huh?  That's what the hooker promised me last night... before she took off with my wallet!  Wait, what??

It's a Beautiful Day In This Neighborhood

I was driving to the gym yesterday when I passed David and Brent's house.  Knowing that the first years start their exams next Monday, I was surprised to find a group of people grilling out on their front lawn.  I slowed down my car, rolled down the window, and yelled out, "How are you guys allowed to have fun right now?"

Some girl I didn't know stared at me for a second before replying, "We... just are?"

I realized then that it wasn't the first years that were cooking out; it was a group of friends who knew David and Brent's non-med school roommates.  By then it was too late; I had already pulled over and gotten out of my car to say hi to what I thought were my friends.  Too late to turn back, I thought to myself.  Not knowing what else to do, I greeted one of the roommates that I didn't know, explained that I knew the med students who lived there, tried to avoid the quizzical looks on the other guests' faces, and dove back into my car to drive away as fast as possible.  Awkwwarrf...

Night Terrors, cont'd

Apparently I'm not the only one who has dreams involving people I know.

Angie: i had a dream last night that we got really drunk and along w. some make-believe person, got in a fight w. a buncha guys for making some stupid comment, and then we were so drunk we couldn't find our way back to your house so we ended up eating at this awesome soup and sandwich place.

How do I make this dream turn into a reality?

Night Terrors

In spite of my terrible memory, I have come to realize that I somehow have a very high recall rate when it comes to my dreams.  And I've been dreaming a lot lately.  Like most people, my dreams usually reflect what's going on in my real life.  For example, I can only remember one dream I've ever had that involved someone that I didn't know in real life.  Every other character in my dreams has always been played by one of my friends, even if they don't share the same personality traits.

Anyway, what I'm getting at is that my dreams of late have become somewhat akin to the Choose Your Own Adventure book series.  Last night, I dreamed that Lee and Sunny were accompanying me on a fantasy quest, the goal of which was to find a dragon in the woods and slay him.  Every time I was faced with a decision, all of my options would pop up in front of me and I would have to select my choice.  After each block of approximately 10 questions, my journey would abruptly stop and a screen would appear, showing me all of my past decisions and why they were correct or incorrect.  Apparently, even in my dreams I'm forced to go over my wrong answers in the form of a Qbank review and learn from them.

USMLE-style questions, why won't you just leave me alone??

Dial-Up Internet

The internet wasn't working at the library this morning, so we're currently running on the backup server.  This alleged backup server is, I'm pretty certain, connected to the world wide web at a 28.8 kbit/s speed.  That explains why it took almost an hour for me to access my USMLE World practice test.  Worst!

Come to think of it, I kind of miss the sound that dial-up modems make while they're connecting...

Dorm Life

Today I received an e-mail regarding my first rotation, Psychiatry at Carilion, Roanoke.  Amongst the ten(!) attachments that I have to sort through and process was one titled "Dorm Information."  Yes, it's true; I'm about to move back into a dormitory at the age of 23.  AND I COULDN'T BE MORE EXCITED ABOUT IT!  It'll be like college all over again... complete with fire drills and quiet hours and everything!

Man, I hope there's an RA there that will lead us in icebreaker activities on the first night.  No, wait, better yet: I hope they let me be the RA that will lead us in icebreaker activities on the first night.  Guys, let's try to keep the common area clean, okay?  And remember, my door is always open for you if you ever have any questions for me.  Gah, it's all coming back to me!!

They Keep Getting Better!

Okay, we've all seen the Old Spice TV spot with The Man Your Man Could Smell Like, but did you know that they've actually made a total of 19 video ads?  Here are some of the ones they just came out with in the past week:

To check out all of the Old Spice videos, click here.

Test Envy

Welp, Jesus Christ may have risen from the dead, but I'm still trapped in the suffocating tomb known as Claude Moore Health Sciences Library.  It doesn't help that several of my classmates, including Jon and Jim, took the Step 1 exam today.  I'm really happy for them, and I'mma let them finish, but I'm also insanely jealous and lament the fact that I have to study for another week.  Granted, I'll need every minute I have left (and then some!) before I'm ready to face this monster.  I can only hope that my persistence will culminate in an even greater relief when I finally take my test next Wednesday.

Oh, I keep forgetting to mention that yet another one of my friends has joined the blogosphere.  I didn't know this until recently, but apparently my friend Mike is really into photography.  He's been putting his Canon EOS Digital Rebel to work and uploading a few of his pictures to his blog, No Sleep Till Patagonia.  Check it out if you want to see some awesome photos of Argentina, where he's currently living.

Alleluia! He Is Alive!

Well, that was the most unexpected Easter service I've ever attended.  I showed up five minutes before the service began, only to be recruited by Joseph to sing in the Chapel Choir with him.  At first I thought he was joking, but then he explained that he was the only guy singing the men's part, so of course I agreed to help out.  I thought that the anthem, Arisen Today, actually went pretty well, despite the fact that I had never seen the music or sung with the Chapel Choir before.

As Pam put it, I certainly didn't expect to be the ringer for a choir this morning.  Especially not when the choir is composed of youth between the grades of 6 and 12.  Well, plus Joseph, Jordan, and me.

Also, I really hope this is how the conversation between Jesus and Mary Magdalene went at the empty tomb:

Happy Easter, everybody!

Mental Health Day

Apparently I'm not the only one who's on the verge of a mental collapse, because the Student Council Safety and Wellness Committee (wait... that actually exists?) decided to have a "Mental Health Day" today.  Volunteers from the SPCA brought puppies from the shelter to the Lawn during lunchtime, and a bunch of us took a study break to go play with them.  They were so cute, I almost adopted a brother for Titan.  But no, that would just be ridiculous.

I also gave up studying at 10:30 tonight when I saw Paul leaving the library.  I immediately packed my stuff up and left, seeing no reason to learn anymore about Immunology than I already had.  We capped off the night with a nice round of Beer Pong, which I'm proud to say that I won.  And that, ladies and gentleman, is the extent of the excitement that this Friday had to offer me.  Puppies on the Lawn and a three-cup game of Beer Pong.  Whee.

Million Dollar Idea

Combine two of my favorite pretzel foods (peanut butter-filled pretzels and chocolate-covered pretzels) to make the best snack food of all time: chocolate-covered peanut butter-filled pretzels!

Crap, it already exists.  So much for my get-rich-quick scheme.  Back to studying... [sigh]

I Love Games!

To be honest, I'm a little scared of Chatroulette, which is why I haven't rushed to try this new internet phenomenon.  But throw in a classic game of chance like Bingo, and I'm up for anything!  Anyone else wanna join me for a round of Chatroulette Bingo in the near future?  Well, after Boards, of course...

Could You Repeat Yourself?

My stomach has been known to make weird noises in the past, but never have I heard it squawk like it just did.  The human body continues to amaze me.

I'm a Terrible Father, Part 2

A formal letter of apology:

Dear Titan,

I am sorry that I will not be able to take you on the 100-mile hike next week as I had promised.  I know, I had really been looking forward to it, too.  I was excited about spending an uninterrupted week with you, but I decided today to delay my test date.  If I have more time to study, then perhaps I'll do better, and hopefully that will allow me to have a good job one day so that I can provide a better life for the both of us.  In the meantime, maybe your Uncle Jon and Aunt Chrissy will be willing to take you on the trip without me.  I miss you, and I promise we will play fetch again soon, even though all you do is chase the ball and never bring it back.