I Know A Lot Of You Are Wondering...

"Should I live in Charlottesville or Los Angeles?" That's actually a really good question, and it's so weird that you should ask, because I moved to Los Angeles last August. I know! Crazy! So anyway, I'm going to put together a little pro/con guide so that you, too, can decide to up-and-move or to freaking stay put. Listen closely, chilluns, because this is important and sage advice that I don't give out every day:

Charlottesville: A nice place to live, isn't it? Really nice, now that I'm thinking about it more. Christian's Pizza, though owned by Christian, is so good. I think my body used to be like 20% Christian's in molecular makeup at any given time. $2 pitchers, may I never forget thee, even though I am convinced I lost $100 in cash at Bilt one time. My fault, but memory minorly tainted. Weirdly not tainted by being crushed against the upstairs bar, slicked, as it was, with years of grime, that just human grime that no one ever really chips away except occasionally with a fingernail out of boredom, by a swarm of frat boys all breathing, breathing beery breath. Nope, still into it. Oh, and that time I saw a girl just kind of tip backwards off of the ledges around the stairs and fall down (to her death? IDK!!), down, down.

Los Angeles: Fish tacos are extremely good, and they are more or less available everywhere. And bars? I am sure they're fun, but I'm in a kind of puritanical phase of my life, plus no one ever mentioned that when you move across the country your friends don't come with you. I know, I too was outraged. Bonus: I can basically get drunk on fumes. Non-bonus: communicating with life-sustaining friends almost entirely through g-chat. Oh, also, there are these food trucks here that drive around and dispense sometimes really good food. Keep in mind that L.A. is huge, so good luck finding them.

Charlottesville: Mosquitoes. Always, forever, more more more, levitating up from the grass like little thirsty helicopters. And Sam, sorry to out you, but your yard is where THEY ALL COME FROM ALL OF THEM. Seriously, there are such an ungodly number living in that tall, tall grass and that stagnant, stagnant water that I hope someone has cleaned up.

Los Angeles: Basically no bug life whatsoever. I had a dream there was a cockroach in the bathroom last night, and that was a dream, so. There you go.

Charlottesville: Seasons. Pretty seasons.

Los Angeles: Seasons...ish, kind of if you both pay really close attention to the weather and look at the calendar. Oh shocking surprise, 75 degrees and sunny. Could be April, could be December, Could be early September. Though I guess the same is kind of true of Virginia TECHNICALLY but let's not get caught up in technicalities. Also there's no humidity here ever except on the rare occasions when it rains, which, as I said, are rare. Which is good, because the city is built to handle, oh, no rain at all, so the streets flood and people drive really crazily and there are a million accidents because...of rain? Yes. But no humidity. So my hair basically looks however I want it to look at all times. Wtf, I know! But no humidity...also kind of a bummer because I got Stockholm Syndrome by accident and I kind of miss it. But not really, but kind of. You know.

SIDEBAR: Oh my God, rage-memories. Let me tell you about this one time it rained here. Okay, and keep in mind, this is rain. Just rain, the way rain is. Water falling down in drops to the earth. This wasn't, like, a monsoon, or some weird thunderstorm with hail and lightning. No. It was rain, which is just a thing that happens in this world. And yet. It took me 3.5 hours to drive about 6 miles home from work. The freeways were stopped. STOPPED. Why? Je ne sais pas, okay? No apparent reason. When I finally got near my house, finally, so ready to be out of my stupid Honda, out of the mind-shattering traffic, out out out... I couldn't. Because I'd gotten myself into a situation where I had to cross Sunset...and I couldn't. Because THE POWER HAD GONE OUT FROM REGULAR RAIN. The stoplights weren't working, and people were acting all crazy, because IT RAINED. POWER WAS OUT IN OUR NEIGHBORHOOD WTF WHY WHY WHY. END SIDEBAR.

Charlottesville: This is purely through my eyes, because I'm the guest-blogger, but Charlottesville (after graduation) was about kind of quiet desperation, tonsoftonsoftonsof drinking always, and waiting tables/bartending. Some people really like two out of three of those things. I was striking the f out in spiritual satisfaction, though enjoying myself in a purely carnal way. Not saying I won't ever do it again, but jeezy creezy am I glad not to be staggering under the weight of 12 sweet teas and 12 waters demanded by a table of church ladies who already hate me and will not tip me because...just because, sweetie, now this ice is all melted bring us all glasses of ice and tongs. Who asks for tongs at restaurants? Those ladies. How they haunted me. Do not miss the lunch shift.

Los Angeles: Trying to start a career. Oh hi, I can't drink on the job non-stop? Whaaaaa? Also I'm constantly terrified of losing this job because I really want to do this kind of thing for the rest of my life? AAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!! But nobody makes me mop bathrooms anymore, and I don't come home at 4 AM covered in Jager, the shrieks of the drunk and angry echoing in my skull.

Charlottesville: Purty.

Los Angeles: Also purty. Crazy how no one tells you how lovely it is (except the Valley YECH).

So that should be a pretty comprehensive guide for any anonymous person just looking for unbiased information. You're welcome! Do you miss Sam so much already?



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