I Need a Secretary

I just spent over two hours reading/replying to e-mails. I know, I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany.

No, but seriously, is anyone out there interested? I'll pay you in slices of turkey. I have enough to last me until the next century.

Somebody Stop Me

I know I usually sing Google's praises, but it has done one terrible thing to me. For some reason, Gmail no longer automatically puts e-mails into your "My Contacts" list. Instead, it puts them under a "Suggested Contacts" list. Don't they understand how OCD I am? I just spent approximately four hours moving each of the contacts into my list and then renaming them in "first name last name" style so that it all looks uniform and neat. All 797 of them. I would never have considered this absurd undertaking had they not given me so much control over my contacts. Why, Google, WHY!?

My Mom Is a FOB

I went over to Tina's new place to hang out with my high school friends tonight, and, true to her form, my mom called me at midnight to find out where I was and when I was coming home.

When my mom made the Thanksgiving turkey, she made it in Peking roast duck style with a Nanjing orange chicken twist. Why? Because "things always taste better when they are made the Chinese way!" I'll admit, it was the best turkey I've ever had. All 26 pounds of it. I'll be eating leftovers for about a month...

Speaking of poultry, my mom was trying to explain to her choir how good they sounded during rehearsal.
Mom: "Oh, you sound so good, you give me chicken skin!"
Me: "Um, Mom, I think you were trying to say that they gave you goosebumps."
Mom: "Ohh, HAHAHA! But see, my skin feel like chicken!"

Probably the only thing more Asian than my mom is Bruce Lee, which is why you need to check out this video of him playing ping pong with nunchucks. Sickawesome!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Christmas Wish List Things I'm Thankful For:

1. Passing Gross Anatomy. Because a blog called "Idiopathies" is not as funny when it's written by a medical school dropout.
2. Thanksgiving Break. Because it gives me a chance to catch up on the third season of Heroes. Okay, so I watched seven episodes yesterday. It was a labor of love!
3. Pockets. Because I have to have my wallet, keys, phone, iPod, and camera with me at all times.
4. Graduation presents in November. Because on top of being awesome, they're also a surprise. Thanks, Grandpa!
5. My camera. Because pictures are better than long term memory.
6. Gmail labels. Because why organize your life when you can organize AND color code it?
7. Chapstick. Because nobody likes chafed, chapped, sunburned, cracked, or windburned lips.
8. The economic crisis. Because maybe I won't have to pay back my student loans when I graduate. That's how it works, right?
9. best of craigslist. Because sometimes when I think I'm going crazy, I just need to be reminded that there are people who are ten times crazier than me.
10. You. Because without my gentle readers, I'd just be writing in a diary. And we all know what happened to the last person who kept a diary... Anne Frank.

Crap. I meant to put God, family, and friends in there somewhere. Guess they'll just have to wait till next year.

Thanksgiving Resolution

Last night, I went to the gym for the first time in over two months. Let's just say that it was a very humbling experience. Apparently when you haven't run for several weeks, you become very slow. I was having trouble keeping up an eight minute mile pace. So, I resolve to work out and get back into shape over the next month.

This decision is driven in part by the fact that I watched Quantum of Solace yesterday. How can I be like James Bond if I have arms the width of celery stalks? Also, I have a great fear of both atherosclerosis and diabetes. Also, I miss having a voracious appetite. Also, I need to be able to outrun the cops. Just kidding!? I'm a law-abiding citizen who loves God, his country, and Chuck Norris!?

Out of the Question

Elisha, my beloved Canon PowerShot SD870 IS, has been sick for almost a month now. Somehow I managed to damage the LCD screen, which now has two gray spots on it whenever I turn on the camera. Luckily, I took out an insurance policy on her, so I went in to Best Buy to exchange her for a new one this afternoon. I brought her to the Geek Squad, who then informed me that they first needed to send the camera in to be repaired, and I could only get a new one if they weren't able to repair her.

This didn't sound like a big deal to me until they told me that the entire process could take up to FOUR WEEKS. My sympathetic nervous system kicked in, causing pupil dilation, increased heart rate, and, unfortunately, urinary output. I apologized to the Best Buy employee and explained that I wasn't ready to surrender my camera for so long, and that I'd have to pick an opportune time to bring her in (as in, not during the holidays). But then I thought, when will I ever be ready to be apart from Elisha for an entire month? Don't they have some kind of Express Asian Plan where I blink my squinty little eyes and a new camera magically appears in front of me?? I'M SO OPPRESSED RIGHT NOW!!

A Well-Deserved Break

I just got back from another trip to New York City, which is apparently my own personal heroin. I just can't stay away! I road tripped up there with Monique, Jon, and Amanda, who managed to forget how to get to her own home. To her credit, she accidentally told us to get off at the exit where she goes shopping instead. At least she has her priorities straight. After dropping her off in Staten Island, Jon and I took the ferry over to Manhattan, where he showed me his parents' penthouse apartment with a view of Hudson River and the Jersey City skyline that Patrick Bateman would kill for.

Later that night, Cal took me to a bar called Fat Baby, which may or may not have been named after the bouncer at the door. Not only was he large, but he also made no sense at all. When the bouncer me in, he said, "All right, last American virgin! Keep doing drugs." I mumbled out, "Umm, okay, thanks," and quickly ducked inside. And snorted coke. HOW DID HE KNOW!?

Will and Erin joined us in the city the next day to visit the MoMA. It was all pretty incredible, especially the traveling Van Gogh exhibit. It was especially amazing since JP Morgan employees and their guests get in for free. I knew I was friends with Cal and Kevin for a reason!

We also checked out Bodies: The Exhibition at the South Street Seaport, which totally rocked my world. Their dissections put all of the ones we did in Anatomy Lab to shame. I was so excited when I saw all of the nerves in the human body preserved and removed that I nearly peed myself. Then I saw the room with all of the arteries and I lost total control of my external urethral sphincter. Sigh.

I took the Chinatown Bus (shocker) back down to Washington, DC, but I tried a different company this time. This one had just been bought out by Coach USA, which probably explains the mildly comfortable seats, bearable temperature, and absence of the smell of urine. Richie picked me up and took me to dinner at the Dubliner before I headed back down to Charlottesville. I managed to make it back safely, calling people and forcing them to conversate with me so I would stay awake the whole drive home. Well, except for the part in Culpeper where I always lose service. Screw you, Verizon! Always trying to sabotage my life!!

Longest post ever. The end. [collapses]

If I Could Be Any Cell in the Body...

I would be a natural killer cell. They are a distinct class of lymphocyte that function like cytotoxic T-cells, except they don't even have to mature in the thymus like all of the other pathetic T-cells. They just jump straight into the circulation and start killing tumor cells and virus-infected cells that are coated with antibodies. I'd probably yell, "CELL ya later!" while I did it. What? I can't help it that I'm hilarious.

Hey, at least I don't have to resort to tickling to make others laugh. That's right, I'm looking at you, Pancreas.*

*The tail of the pancreas "tickles" the spleen.

I Must Have Missed the Memo

[banging on door] "MAINTENANCE!!"

Sam: [stumbles out of room, still groggy] Hello?
Maintenance man: Hi, we're here to check out your stove and take care of the snake.
Sam: Umm, what!?
Maintenance man: We got a call about a snake.
Sam: [stunned silence for 5 seconds] PETE!! We have a snake in our house!?
Pete: Oh, yeah, but Animal Control came and took care of it.
Sam: Oh.

I guess my housemates decided it wasn't necessary to tell me that we had a snake in our house. On the bright side, maybe that's why nobody has seen a rat in a while. Hooray for natural predators!

I Didn't Mean to...

I actually intended to go home last night, but by the time I was ready to leave the library, it was 4am and my weather widget told me that the temperature outside was 27°. An Asian like me with no subcutaneous fat could die in those arctic conditions! At that point I figured, if it worked for me on the first Biochemistry exam, it'll work for me again. I leaned back, closed my eyes, and soon fell into a peaceful slumber. That is, until Rohan woke me up at 7am when he came in to start studying. So I moved to the dark, quiet fishbowl room, where I knew I wouldn't be disturbed for another few hours. Success!

And now for a well-deser... zzz. SNORE. zzz.

I Just Saw a Raccoon!

I've never seen one outside of a zoo before! It was so fat, I just wanted to take it home and keep it as a pet. And perhaps one day turn him into a coonskin cap. It would be so warm! But instead I just watched as it ran off towards Benji, Byron, Lee, and Randy's house. Goodbye, Bandit! I'll never forget you!

Weather Forecast

Gooood afternoon everybody, this is your local meteorologist Sam Zhao with your seven day forecast. We had a pretty warm day today, with grades hovering around 70. Our record high was 100 in 1985 with the record low at 0 in 1820. There’s a slight possibility of fun creeping in from the north-northwest tonight, but very little if any of it will make it over the mountains.

Tomorrow, you’ll find a long day of reviewing with brief moments of relaxation. Expect hurricane-force studying and a chance of cramming in areas in and around the library.

There are two storms in our forecast, the first of which will hit Wednesday afternoon, and another expected on Friday morning. As you can see on the map, these are following a high-pressure system coming in from the faculty to the west. Don’t be shocked by sudden panic attacks in the morning or unforeseen naps in the afternoon.

This entire week will be marked by periods of gross malnutrition and low morale. Make sure you have enough Jolt, Snickers, and Adderall to carry you through the storms. Low pressure will return by Friday afternoon, just in time for a warm and sunny fall weekend.

Thanks for tuning in, and stay with us following these messages for your local sports update.


Nosheen and I were studying in one of the small rooms downstairs, when all of a sudden I heard a knock and the door opening. I assumed it was one of my friends who had come to distract me (Sunny? Lindsay? Angie?), so I immediately growled, "GET OUT OF HERE!!" Then I turned around and realized it was the librarian. It turns out they walk around the library and document when each of the study rooms is being used. I wish I had known that before I yelled at him...


Model UN

We are currently under attack. The hallowed grounds of the University of Virginia have been invaded by high schoolers in business suits. If we don't immediately pass a resolution "recognizing" their impact on the community and that "strongly urges" them to leave, they will subject all of us to their drivel about the need to curb violence in the former Slavic nations and the viability of the Oil-for-Food Programme in Iraq.

I guess I can't make fun of them too much, because I was doing the exact same thing when I was in high school. I remember my first Model UN conference in freshman year of high school, which happened to be VAMUN. I also remember that for some reason, the Saturday night dance was held at... you won't believe it... Sigma Nu. Yes, they threw hundreds of high school students into the middle of a frat party. The image of college students chugging beer and smoking pot was forever seared into my innocent and impressionable mind. Ah, to be young again...

Oh, and if you're wondering why I posted a picture of Alessandra Ambrosio from the 12th Annual Victoria's Secret Fashion Show above, it's because I've decided to name my laptop after her. I mean, if you just had a baby in August and now look like this, then pretty much everything in the world should be named after you. Alessandra toaster? I'll buy it! Alessandra garbage bags? I've already ordered 10 boxes!

Hot Diggity Dog

One of my roommates decided to throw a hot dog eating contest last night, so of course I took a short study break to go home and watch. Only one of the two contestants showed up to confront the challenge of devouring 18 hot dogs in 90 minutes. I went back to the library before the competition ended, but from what I hear, he failed to meet his goal and, shockingly, ended up vomiting instead. It is so sad when a man with such noble goals is thwarted. And I thought that this was America!

Speaking of failure, this man tried his hand at getting out of making a payment on his overdue account. The epic adventure that ensued will live on in legend as long as I am alive to tell it.

Also, a quick shout-out to Nosheen, Sunny, and Cameron for introducing me to FAIL Blog, My Mom Is a Fob, and Super Obama World, respectively. Only true friends understand that when I say I need to study for exams, I really mean I need more websites to distract me.

Zoom Zoom

Every night while we're throwing down at the Claude Moore Library late night party, I see an elderly man drive (?) by on his electric wheelchair at approximately 20 mph. He usually loops back and passes us several times before I go home. I just want to stop him and ask some questions. Where are you going? What are you running from? Why are you in such a hurry? Have you ever considered putting spinners on your wheels? How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop?

I finally got my chance last night. Just as I was leaving the library, Scooter (as I affectionately call him) whizzed past me in the Link. I followed him, using all of my ninja training (read: none whatsoever) to stalk him as quickly and subtly as possible. Where was he headed? The cafeteria? The hospital lobby? The CTS labs? But alas, I was not the Chosen One. Within a matter of seconds, he had rounded the corner and disappeared off into the horizon. I'll get you next time, Scooter! Next time!

A Day of Discovery

Amanda's favorite apple is the McIntosh apple. When I expressed my disbelief that the McIntosh apple really existed, I was teased and ridiculed by everyone at the lunch table. Well, if it exists on Wikipedia, then it must exist in real life, too. You learn something new every day!

The folks at Google surprised me with another new Gmail capability: Video Chatting! Granted, I've already been using the built-in iChat application on my MacBook, but we all know that Google does everything best. And that's why I will have babies with it. Eww, who said that!?

The folks at Circuit City didn't surprise me quite as much when they filed for bankruptcy on Monday. I have to say, the stores are pretty badly managed. I applied for a job there this summer, and I was "hired" at my second interview. Here is how the interview ended:

Manager: So I know the last manager told you that you could work in camera sales, but I'd like to hire you for customer service. Do you have any questions for me?
Sam: Err, thanks. When can I start working?
Manager: Umm, I'm actually not sure... I'll have to check with my boss and get back to you.
Sam: Okay, that's cool. How many hours will I get per week?
Manager: I actually don't know about that, either. I'll let you know when I find out.
Sam: Um, alright, well, can you tell me how much I'll get paid?
Manager: [sigh] I don't know; I'll have to ask my boss about that too.

And so I moved back to Charlottesville and worked for Heritage Festival Theatre instead.

I Shall Call Him Squishy and He Shall Be Mine

When my dad gave me an iPod shuffle, I immediately named it Adriana after Adriana Lima, the Victoria's Secret Angel from Brazil that I was obsessed with. Wait, who am I kidding? I'm still obsessed with her.

When I upgraded to an iPod nano, I went with Svetlana after Svetlana Khorkina, the Russian gymnast known for her unusual height and erratic personality. How could you not respect an athlete who makes ridiculous claims, like "I want to win gold as badly as I want to mother my own child"?

When my parents gave me my first car, a Hyundai Sonata, I stuck to the musical theme of the model and named it Carmen after the Spanish protagonist in Bizet's French opera.

Well, it's been almost two months since I purchased my MacBook Black, and I still haven't been able to come up with a name for it. My only criteria is that, like all of my other toys, it must be an ethnic girl name. Any ideas out there?

All R.A. Floor

One of the things I miss most about college is being an RA. I loved living with bright-eyed and bushy-tailed first years. I loved watching them get to know each other better throughout the year. I loved being able to answer their questions about adding and dropping classes, on- and off-grounds housing, and how to get to Barracks Road Shopping center. I loved dealing with roommate disputes and breaking up drunk fights. I loved staying up till 2am taking care of people who had taken too many shots. I loved picking residents up from jail in the morning. Wait a minute...

In spite of some of the less appealing responsibilities, I did really enjoy being an RA. But how horrible would life be if I were forced to live on an entire hall full of RAs!? CollegeHumor dared to tackle this question, and what they found was... well, probably very accurate.

10 Things I Hate About Anatomy

I hate your osteology,
And the way you innervate.
I hate insertions of muscles,
I hate where they originate.
I hate your embryology
And the vertebrae of the spine.
I hate you so much it makes me sick,
It even makes me rhyme.
I hate the way you’re in Latin,
I hate it when it's Greek.
I hate your learning objectives,
Your practicals make me weep.
I hate your every dermatome,
And how your lymph nodes are so small.
But mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you,
Not even close...
Not even a little bit...
Not even at all.

[runs out of classroom, sobbing]


I woke up this morning with plans of studying all day, but I was so overwhelmed with the amount of material I needed to learn that I decided to clean my room instead. Although this was fun, it was not particularly productive, since my room actually wasn't messy to begin with. I ended up simply reorganizing things in different drawers and relocating things from my desk to the bookshelf. ANYWAY! I did find this dollar bill while I was cleaning up that I had saved earlier this year because it had a Pikachu stamp on it. Cool, right? Right? RIGHT!?!? Okay, fine, it's not that cool. Hater.


I was blackout last night. No, not that kind of blackout. The power to our house was cut off, because one of my roommates apparently failed to pay the power bill on time. When he called me to tell me, I just shrugged it off. What was the big deal, anyway? People lived without electricity in the 1800s, and I'm at least as smart and capable as they were.

Well, it turns out you use power for a lot of things. I got home and tried to turn on the lights... and they didn't work. Then I decided to cook something for dinner... and realized that the stove runs on power, too. So I tried to take some leftovers out of the fridge... but I couldn't open the door, or the food would go bad. And I definitely needed to shower off the stench of formaldehyde... which ended up being very hard to do in the dark. Worst of all, no power meant no wireless internet. What is a poor e-mail addict like me to do!?

Dominion Power is supposed to reactivate our electricity at some point today, so my fingers are crossed that I'll have power again when I get home. Otherwise, I'll just have to resort to going over to Kimberly's again and eating her food. Not a bad idea...

Assess Your Day in Shades of Blue

I attended a very interesting lecture lecture titled "Are We Really Ready for Healthcare Reform?" during lunch today. The presenter spoke on changes in the field of medicine as well as changes in the way the American public believes they should be treated as both patients and consumers. It was all very informative until the last ten minutes of the talk, when the speaker went absolutely bonkers. She said that in order to fix the healthcare system, we as providers must start thinking out of the box. She encouraged us to do this by showing us crazy slides like the following:

What everyday word can you get by removing six letters from the following?


Two women look exactly the same. They are the same age, have the same birthday, were raised by the same parents, and live at the same address. Yet, they are not twins. How is this possible?

They're two out of three triplets.

Two men play five games of chess. Both win three games. There are no ties. How is this possible?

They weren't playing each other.

And so on and so forth. Basically, she gave our brains a really good workout and managed to distract us from the fact that she never gave us an answer to the original question: are we really ready for healthcare reform? After an hour of lecture, I still have no idea. Sigh.

What Just Happened?

Okay, so Barack Obama won the presidential election. Big deal. We all saw it coming. I'm way more surprised that Virginia turned Blue this time around. What is that noise? Could it be the sound of Hell freezing over? Oh well, I guess I'll just have to remember to bring an extra warm coat with me when I die.

Just kidding, we all know it'll always be hot down there. Thanks a lot, global warming! [shakes fist in the air]

I Voted

...and it was the most underwhelming experience of my life. I drove all the way back to Richmond, excited to vote in person for the first time in my life. Would I encounter picketers marching around the polling site? Would I get to wait in line for hours to make my vote count? Would people be turned away, cursing and screaming at how the system has failed them? Would there be a lever machine, a punch card ballot, or even a touch-screen computer? Would they have a petting zoo!?

Answer: None of the above. I walked into my local high school and there was literally nobody in front of me in line. The workers asked me for my name, and when I offered them my driver's license, they didn't even look at it. Then the worst part: I had a scantron ballot! ARE YOU SERIOUS!? Heck, I've been filling those things out since I took the Iowa Tests of Basic Skills in the fifth grade. And nobody was there to take an exit poll as I left the voting area. What a disappointment.

On the bright side, I stopped at Starbucks on my way back to Charlottesville and got a free cup of coffee. I also filled up on gas for $1.99/gallon AND ordered a delicious Turkey Shorti Hoagie for $2.99 at Wawa. Man, I wish every day were Election Day!

Hallway Horror

I find myself in so many awkward situations that sometimes I wonder if I subconsciously seek them out. For me, the most common problem is when you see someone walking towards you down a long, straight, and narrow walkway, but you really don't want to stop to talk to them. Unfortunately, the hospital has at least two of these: the hallway between Jordan Hall and the cafeteria and the hallway between Jordan Hall and Mulholland Lounge.

The only effective defense mechanism I have ever developed is deny, deny, deny. In this case, I just deny that I even notice the person, staring at the floor in front of me or looking at posters on the wall, until he or she is no more than 30 feet away. When I finally make eye contact, I have just enough time for the following exchange: "Hey, how's it going?" "Good, you?" "Good, thanks!" Then we pass each other and go on our own separate ways, not knowing anything more about each other than we did before. Ah, peace and harmony.

Back to School

I took a two-day holiday from academics this weekend in order to properly celebrate Caroline and Erik's wedding. If I could sum it up in one word, it would probably be "food." I made the best decision by sitting next to the couple at the rehearsal dinner, because I got to eat over half of Caroline's food since she was too nervous to eat it all herself. Crabcakes, mmm! The wedding was harvest themed, so the lunch at the reception was a Thanksgiving meal. Then, at the party later on that night, there was an endless supply of grilled cheese sandwiches. I'm not sure what Heaven is like, but it better involve a grilled cheese sandwich buffet, or I'm booking it out of there.

Now that Caroline and Erik are happily on their honeymoon, it only seems appropriate that I spend some quality time with my own true love: Anatomy Post-Lab Objectives. Digital rectal exams? YES!!