I've Been Betrayed

Let me get this straight, Chapstick. I specifically give thanks for you less than a week ago, and this is how you respond? What were you thinking? Do you see me as just another consumer who will use you and lose you before even making it halfway through the tube? Well, you might be right about that, but you can't just go around looking like this. I put you away yesterday, looking like any other Chapstick you'd find in CVS or your local grocery store, but when I take you back out today, I can barely even recognize you. It's as if you're a completely different lip balm altogether. I don't know if you're trying some fad diet or if you went under the knife, but this new, thinner look is not going to get you the attention and love that you're clearly in need of. Why don't you stop being something you're not and just stick to what you're good at: protecting my lips from the sun and wind.

On the other hand, if someone did this to you, tell me who it is and I'll show them what happens to someone who messes with my Chapstick. Was it someone sharing the pocket with you? The keys? The pen? The cell phone? He has been acting a bit sketchy lately...