I'll Never Do That Again, Part V

Singing The Good Old Song, painting Beta Bridge, calling our campus "grounds," giving out candy at Trick-or-Treating on the Lawn: these are just a few of the many traditions at UVA that we students are proud of.  But for every noble custom that we have, there is a corresponding one that is... not condoned by law enforcement officials.

For example, every UVA student is expected to go steam tunneling before he or she graduates.  You see, there are a number of underground steam tunnels connecting the entirety of grounds.  Sadly, most of the entrances are locked, so it takes some clever scouting to find a manhole that actually lets you into the system.  Once in, you can explore the maze of steam pipes, most of which lead to various academic buildings and dormitories.

My friends and I always talked about making a map of the steam tunnels, but we never actually got around to it.  For one, they're very difficult to navigate, because the tunnels themselves are only about four feet high in most areas.  Plus, many of the gates are locked, leaving much of the tunnels inaccessible.  Another problem is that going into the steam tunnels apparently turns Martha into a cracked out zombie.

In addition to steam tunneling, there are other less-than-legal traditions at UVA, the most popular of which is streaking the Lawn.  Custom dictates that the streaker must disrobe at the Rotunda, run down the 740-foot length of the Lawn, kiss the statue of Homer, run back up the Lawn, climb the stairs of the Rotunda, peer through the keyhole of the front door, and say to the statue inside, "Good morning, Mr. Jefferson."   Only then can the streaker put his or her clothes back on.

Unfortunately, public nudity is a sex crime in Virginia, and I'm pretty sure they don't let people with a sex crime on their record become pediatricians.  And so, last but not least:

5. I'll never streak the Lawn again.