Closure

Today I had the honor of celebrating the life of Kathryn "Tootsie" Payne.  Tootsie was a soft-spoken but compelling woman who made everyone she spoke to feel like he or she was the most important person in the world.  Coincidentally, she was the same age as my Niang Niang, so it's only fitting that she and her good friend Billie became like surrogate grandmothers to me.  I would go out to lunch with them after church, they would buy me presents every year for my birthday and for Christmas, and like all grandmothers do, they made sure that I was stuffed full of food at all times.  Billie passed away a few years ago, and earlier this week, Tootsie left us to be with her Lord and Savior as well.

I know this is weird, and perhaps even a little bit wrong, but I appropriated much of Tootsie's memorial service today and placed it in the context of my own Niang Niang.  I think the hardest part about my own grandmother's death was never having the chance to properly send her off.  But many of the words said about Tootsie today might just as well have been said about Niang Niang, and they struck me in a very powerful way.  I all but broke down after playing the Lord's Prayer at the end of the ceremony, and I'm sure the people in the congregation were wondering why I was crying more than Tootsie's own grandchildren.  Yet only half of my tears were for her, the other half were tears of acceptance as I let go of my Niang Niang just a little bit more, something I am still learning to do every day.

Tootsie, thank you for sharing your love with all of us.  I know you never knew my grandmothers while you were alive in this world, but when you see them and Billie in Heaven, give all three of them a hug from me.