Facebook Message

Today I checked Titan's Facebook profile to find that my friend Garrett had sent him a message:

Titan,

What kind of dog are you? Where do you come from? Do you shed a lot? I want to get a dog just like you. Please tell me about your personality, likes, and dislikes. I hope we can be friends.

Garrett


At first, I felt a little guilty reading my dog's mail.  Then I remembered that he couldn't read English, so I stopped feeling guilty and called him over to relay Garrett's message.  He looked back at me with a blank stare on his face, which I interpreted to mean the following:

Garrett,

I am a mixed breed dog, but my master thinks that I am at least part Rhodesian Ridgeback, a South African hunting dog.  He got me from the Chesterfield County Animal Shelter, and I have retrograde amnesia regarding my life pre-adoption. I shed a small amount.

I have a very loyal personality; I listen to my master's commands but am mostly ambivalent to other people.  I like being petted, but I don't go gaga about it like your typical labrador retriever.  I enjoy running, swimming, chewing, wrestling with other dogs, getting them to chase me, and the outdoors in general. I dislike being confined to small spaces, being left alone for long periods of time, and bringing things back after you throw them.

We can be friends if you give me a Milkbone.

Titan

2 comments:

Sylvia said...

I hope you know you are out of control lol

Hershey said...

ps I have a gland that is capable of excreting crack cocaine directly onto my brain, resulting in a variety of behaviors such as restlessness, eating non-food items, and crushing screens, lulz, and the hearts and minds of other well meaning dogs.