Beware of Plastics

You know, the free TRAM procedure sounds great in theory.  Using skin, fat, and muscle from the abdomen to reconstruct a breast: you get a boob job and a tummy tuck all at the same time!  But in reality, it is the most boring surgery to watch.  Especially because it lasts seven hours, the majority of which involve microsurgery to attach the resected inferior epigastric artery to the internal mammary artery.  How can something that sounds so cool actually be so lame in real life!?

OR ABSURDITY OF THE DAY #1:
The case wouldn't have been all bad if I had been allowed to suture during the case, but since the fellow, the residents, the intern, and the fourth year medical student were all in the figurative line ahead of me, all I got to do was hold a retractor for one hour and watch the computer monitor for the other six.  Worst.

OR ABSURDITY OF THE DAY #2:
During the one hour I was actually scrubbed in, the tip of my nose started itching.  Since I couldn't touch my face mask, I had to rub it... with my tongue.  At least I'm able to touch my nose with my tongue; I don't know what I would have done otherwise.

OR ABSURDITY OF THE DAY #3:
At one point an anesthesiologist came into the operating room and proclaimed, "Tell me if you're new and I haven't met you yet."  I mistakenly reached out to shake her hand and introduce myself as Sam, the medical student.  Her response: "Oh, I don't care about you.  I only meant the new doctors, because they are the people who can actually help me."

OR ABSURDITY OF THE DAY #4:
At the end of the surgery, the scrub nurse counted one less lap sponge than we started with.  Assuming that someone had accidentally tossed in the trash, the doctors closed the patient up and ordered an x-ray per protocol.  Lo and behold, the lap sponge was still in the right breast... so they had to open her back up and remove it.  I guess that's why we do counts, huh?