Matt must die. "But why?" you ask. "He's never done anything to hurt you! He's such a funny guy, and he's so easy to get along with! Let's not forget that he laughs at all of your jokes, Sam... and considering how horribly cheesy you are, you shouldn't take that for granted. Plus, I thought you guys were really good friends!"Ah, yes, but this was all before he purchased the new MacBook. The one with a precision aluminum unibody enclosure, ultrathin 13.3-inch LED-backlit display, and smooth glass multi-touch trackpad. I feel so inadequate, so powerless, so obsolete. Which brings me back to my original point: Matt must die, and I must have his laptop for my own. MY PRECIOUSSS...
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